


This Is The Last Time

by rabbithole26



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:58:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbithole26/pseuds/rabbithole26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They meet at boot camp and it's an immediate connection. Their eyes lock and they just click. It's one of those things that you read about in novels, or see in movies, but only a few people actually get to experience it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is The Last Time

They meet at boot camp and it’s an immediate connection. Their eyes lock and they just click. It’s one of those things that you read about in novels, or see in movies, but only a few people actually get to experience it. They just get each other right off the bat. Lauren doesn’t really believe in coincidence, so she thinks that this girl must end up being an important piece in her life if the universe brought them together.

_Oh, when I lift you up  
You feel like a hundred times yourself_

After The X Factor is over, the girls are all unsure of what their future’s hold, so Lauren and Camila spend every second they can together when they get back to Miami. They have frequent sleepovers and not a day goes by where they aren’t together for some portion of it.

 

Lauren has had several best friends over the years, but none of them seem to compare to the girl who she met by chance, and it just solidifies everything she’s ever thought about ‘coincidence’. Some days Lauren wonders though, if the way she connects with Camila is different than how she connects with everyone else in her life. She thinks it’s probably true, but she doesn’t really know how to address that. After all, she’s only sixteen.

 

Sometimes they are total opposites, but that’s probably why they get along so well. Lauren has always been the bold one, the one who is willing to take risks and put herself out there, while Camila has always been more shy and unsure of herself.

 

So when Camila is the one who carefully climbs on top of Lauren and kisses her one night, it’s almost out of character. Almost. Lauren kisses her back and this becomes a routine, although they never seem to talk about it in the morning. It’s just how they are together. But they are happy. _So happy_. So they just don’t bring it up. They don’t talk about what it means.

__  
I wish everybody knew  
What's so great about you, oh

They’re at the park, and Camila’s sitting under a tree with her headphones on while she writes in her journal. She’s humming along to an Ed Sheeran song and Lauren’s laying next to her, reading a magazine.

 

Maybe it was the way the shadows from the leaves were dancing on the younger girls face, or maybe the heat was getting to Lauren, but for whatever reason, she sits up and kisses Camila without any warning. They’ve kissed a million times, but this time is different, because it’s not in the dark and it’s not in the safety of Lauren’s room. Lauren glances around after she pulls away but finds that no one is watching them and it snaps her back to reality.

 

“What was that for?” Camila asks, looking confused.

 

“I don’t know. I just love you,” Lauren replies.

 

And it’s true. She does love her. She’s just not sure if this is how best friends are supposed to love each other. She’s starting to get really scared by her feelings, because if she can’t control herself in public now, _what are they going to do?_

 

Camila’s eyes light up at Lauren’s words though, but then her phone starts to ring. It’s a California number and their lives change in an instant.

_But your love is such a swamp  
You don't think before you jump_

 

“We are in a band and we have a contract that has options that could last for _eight years_ if we do well, and if we do well, then who knows how long we will be working together. I don’t want to mess that up,” Lauren sighs, running her hand through her hair.

 

“What exactly are you saying?” Camila replies.

 

“Look, I just think that we shouldn’t complicate things. We’re best friends, we always will be, but maybe it’s time for us to get boyfriends.”

 

Camila nods slowly, starting to understand what this is really about, “So you want to date guys?”

 

“Well yeah, don’t you? I mean, that’s what we’re supposed to do, you practice with your friends so that you know what you’re doing with your boyfriends” Lauren casually comments, still unable to directly address the fact she’s been _sleeping_ with her best friend for _months_.

 

“Okay,” the younger girl replies, because she doesn’t really know what else she could say without probably losing the girl in front of her, “Let’s get boyfriends.”

_  
And I said I wouldn't get sucked in_

_This is the last time_

Lauren is with Luis and Camila is kinda, sorta with Austin and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Except that it doesn’t feel right for either of them, but they know that it’s for the best right now. Some days Camila almost wishes that they weren’t in a band together because then things would be so simple. But she knows that if she were to ever break up the group because of her _relationship_ with Lauren, neither of them would ever forgive themselves. So they pretend the best way they know how.

 

Lauren’s best friend from home thinks it’s a sexuality thing, but Lauren knows that’s not it. She’s not scared of being with a girl. Okay, maybe she is a little bit, but that’s not what is holding her back. It’s the fact that they work together. At least that’s what she tells herself. It’s difficult because they spend every day together, but they try so hard to keep their distance, keep up the walls, make sure there are barriers, that their friendship is virtually non-existent at this point. They’re just coworkers. It’s hell.

 

When Lauren and Luis break up, he’s actually the one who ends it, but it’s not like Lauren is _that_ devastated. The long distance is too hard, and they’re young, so she doesn’t blame him. She ends up alone with Camila in the kitchen on their tour bus that day and the younger girl waits until everyone else is off the bus to speak to her.

 

“Are you doing okay? With the whole Luis thing?” Camila asks quietly.

 

“It sucks but it just wasn’t working out, you know?” Lauren replies, meeting the other girl’s gaze.

 

“Really?”

 

Lauren thinks she sees a look of hope in the other girl’s eyes, but she isn’t positive because it vanishes as soon as she answers her.

 

“Yeah. The long distance was too hard on him, so he ended it.”

 

Camila’s face falls and she turns around, quietly putting away the food she was getting out. Lauren thinks there is a tear rolling down the girl’s face.

 

“Are you okay? Aren’t I supposed to be the one crying here?”

 

“I get it Lauren, okay? I get it. He broke your heart. It wasn’t like you would have wanted to break up with him for any reason, okay? I get it.”

 

Just like that the younger girl storms away and although Lauren is somewhat confused by her sudden outburst, she can’t help but feel guilty.

 

They don’t speak for weeks after that unless they have to. When they do it’s about work. It’s always about work.

_Oh, don't tell anyone I'm here  
I got tylenol and beer_

Lauren doesn’t have to avoid being alone with Camila anymore because they’re on tour with Austin now and she spends all of her free time with him. Lauren doesn’t ever try to hang out with pair either, except tonight they are crammed together with everyone on the tour, playing a stupid game of “truth or dare” that Normani downloaded on her phone. There’s a case of beer in the middle that one of Austin’s friends got and Lauren’s been sipping out of her can much faster than everyone else, trying to forget that she’s stuck here.

 

“Camila, truth or dare?” Ally asks excitedly.

 

“Truth.”

 

“Lame!” Austin comments jokingly, and Lauren rolls her eyes in response.

“Who was your first kiss?” Ally asks, reading from the app on the iPhone.

 

Camila blushes, but quietly responds, “Austin.”

 

Austin laughs and throws his arm around the girl, and at the same time Lauren is so caught off guard by the lie that she manages to start choking on her beer. Dinah gives her a strange look and smacks her on the back, “Jauregui don’t die on us, it wasn’t even your turn to drink.”

 

“Sorry, thirsty,” Lauren comments before locking eyes with Camila from across the circle. The other girl has an unreadable expression on her face, and that infuriates Lauren even more because she used to be able to read the other girl like the back of her hand. Camila quickly looks away and continues paying attention to the game, tangling her fingers together with Austin’s.

 

Lauren’s not even sure why she’s so upset that the girl lied, it’s not like anyone knew about their history, but that doesn’t prevent her from feeling sad that no one knows Camila’s first kiss was actually her. Not _him._

She hates that she cares.  

 

When the guys all file off of the bus later that night, Austin says goodbye to Lauren but she merely grunts in response. As soon as the door shuts Lauren can sense someone standing over her.

 

“You could at least try with him, you know. Be nice.”

 

“Why?” Lauren mumbles, cracking open one of the few remaining beers.

 

“Because it’s the polite thing to do. People might start to think you’re...”

 

Camila trails off and doesn’t finish her sentence, obviously regretting what she’s said already.

 

“What? Start to think I’m _what_ , Camila?”

 

“Nothing. Wishful thinking, I guess.”

 

She’s gone before Lauren can look up again.

_  
I was thinking that you'd call_

_somebody closer to you, oh_

Camila is in the hospital. Management tells the other girls she fainted due to exhaustion and is just getting rehydrated but for some reason Lauren doesn’t believe that. They wont let any of the girls go visit her. After they do their set that night, without her, Lauren walks off stage and checks her phone. There’s a text from the girl in the hospital and all it says is _Room 416._

Lauren leaves without telling anyone where she’s going and hails a cab.

 

She arrives at the hospital and quickly takes the nearest elevator to the fourth floor. She’s about to turn the corner to head into Camila’s room when she clearly hears the voice of their manager, talking to a group who sound like doctors. Lauren can’t hear the entire conversation but she’s pretty sure she hears them say “malnourished”, “eating disorder”, and something about a “nutritional coach for the remainder of the tour.”

 

Lauren feels sick and suddenly she’s trying to remember the last time she saw the other girl eat something. Anything.

 

She can’t.

 

Once she hears the voices fade into the distance, the older girl turns the corner and enters room 416.

 

Camila looks so small in the big hospital bed and Lauren finally realizes just how _weak_ her friend looks. She immediately takes a seat next to the bed and meets the gaze of the girl in front of her.

 

“You came,” Camila says, with a tone of surprise, “I didn’t think they’d let you. Or that you’d want to.”

 

“They didn’t,” Lauren responds, “I had to take a cab here.”

 

“Once a rebel, always a rebel, huh?”

 

Lauren doesn’t know what to say for a moment and a silence falls over the girls before she speaks up.

 

“You haven’t been eating, Camz.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

 

“I’m sorry,” the younger girl chokes out.

 

“Don’t apologize. I just wish there was something I could do to help.”

 

Camila is crying now, silently, and its taking Lauren every ounce of self control not to start crying too.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lauren whispers.

 

“I’m just tired. I’m _so_ tired.”

 

“Of?”

 

“The pressure. The stress. I’m tired of pretending,” Camila mumbles.

 

Lauren doesn’t know what to say. It’s been a long time since the two of them had a serious conversation. Probably too long. So she reaches for the younger girl’s hand and squeezes it tightly.

 

“I’m tired of not being good enough. Not being pretty enough, or skinny enough, or talented...” the younger girl continues.

 

“What are you talking about?” Lauren asks, “Who do you think you aren’t good enough for?”

 

“Everyone. My family, the fans, management. Austin,” she pauses for a moment before finishing her thought, “You.”

 

Lauren feels like she’s been punched in the gut when she hears that response. Her voice is trembling when she replies.

 

“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Inside and out. And I need you here, I can’t let anything take you away.”

 

The smaller girl wipes away a few stray tears as Lauren continues.

 

“Can I lay with you?”

 

Camila nods.

 

Lauren climbs into the bed, careful not to get tangled up in the tubes and wires that are attached to her friend. Lauren pulls Camila close to her, the girls back pressed tightly to her front, and she places her hand on the younger girl’s hip. But it doesn’t feel like the hips that Lauren used to passionately grab in the darkness of her room when she was sixteen, these hips are almost nothing but bone.

 

It’s killing her.

 

Lauren buries her face in Camila’s neck and silently cries. The other girl must be able to tell, though, because she gently moves Lauren’s hand across her stomach and laces their fingers together.

 

“I miss you, Lauren. I miss you so much.”

 

She’s crying too hard to respond so they just lay there. They end up falling asleep, but Lauren wakes up an hour later, still curled around the girl. She’s stopped crying now, so she whispers, “I miss you too.”

 

She assumes Camila doesn’t hear her until she feels like other girl’s thumb rub over the back of her hand. The moment is short lived. The door opens and when Lauren looks up she sees their manager standing over her. He looks furious.

 

“Outside. Now,” he mouths and points at the door.

_But your love is such a swamp  
You're the only thing I want_

Lauren gets a lecture about running off without telling anyone, and she also gets one about not letting the other girls know why Camila was really in the hospital. They only have four more tour dates and after that apparently Camila will have to get into therapy while they have a break. Lauren just nods and says she won’t tell anyone.

 

The next night Camila goes back to hanging out with Austin and Lauren knows she has no right to be mad, but after what happened at the hospital she honestly didn’t think that Austin would still be a thing. He didn’t even try to see her. He didn’t even ask if she was okay.

Maybe Lauren shouldn’t have taken “I miss you” as an apology, but that doesn’t stop her from crying late into the night. The other girls are asleep now, but Camila must be awake and she must hear her because she gets up and quietly pulls back the curtain to Lauren bunk.

 

“Lauren, are you okay?”

 

The older girl turns to face her and looks at her through the tears. Lauren must look really, really pathetic right now. But she doesn’t care anymore.

 

“Please stop seeing him.”

 

It’s out of line, it’s uncalled for, it’s a last chance plea, but she says it anyways.

 

Lauren must not be the only one feeling lost though because Camila’s response is like music to her ears.

 

“Okay.”

__  
And I said I wouldn't cry about it  
This is the last time

The tour ends and Camila is spending the next few weeks in treatment, hidden away from the rest of the world. Luckily the media is clueless, and not too concerned about them yet, so it’s discreet. The other girls still don’t know what’s going on and Lauren hopes that this will be the end of it so that they never have to worry.

 

Lauren also knows that Camila needs to do this herself and she can wait, she swears she can. She’s come this far, a little bit longer isn’t any worse.

 

They get to say goodbye to each other though, and Lauren holds the other girl tighter than ever before.

 

“I’ll be here to support you whenever you need me to. But this is also your time to be selfish. Do this for you. Think about what you want. There’s no wrong answers when you come home.”

 

Camila sighs into her neck, “Thank you.”

 

Lauren kisses her forehead, and lingers way too long, but neither of them care at this point.

 

Then, suddenly, Camila is in a car, driving away.

 

But Lauren isn’t nervous anymore. She just wants her to be happy. She’s always just wanted her to be happy, really.

_I won't be vacant anymore_

Lauren’s in the studio with Dinah, Normani, and Ally, and they are working on some new songs, waiting for Camila to return from “vacation” in a few days. She’s in the booth by herself when she suddenly looks up and sees a commotion going on in the other room. Camila’s face appears at the window and she gives her a little wave.

 

Lauren rips the headphones off and practically sprints inside the other room, crushing the younger girl in a giant hug.

 

“Hi,” Camila whispers in her ear with a giggle.

 

God, has Lauren missed that sound. She lets her go and the other girl runs a hand through her hair.

 

“So, what are we working on?”

 

The other girls are excitedly filling her in on all of the new material they have, showing her new lyrics and playing clips that they just recorded. Lauren just watches them, observing everything about Camila. She looks healthier. She’s still pretty skinny but she’s definitely gained some weight already. She looks warm and energetic. She looks like the girl who sat under the tree in the park all those years ago, just a few years older. Lauren’s pretty sure that in this moment she falls in love all over again.

 

They’re still coworkers, technically, she knows that. But she also knows that you can’t help how you feel, and if they keep fighting it the group may go up in flames anyway. Or someone may get struck by lightning, or die in a car accident, or the world may get hit with an asteroid. There’s no seeing into the future and time is a very precious thing. So, Lauren decides right then and there that she will spend every day from now on making Camila smile, if Camila wants to let her.

 

Once their studio time is over the girls part ways for the night.

 

“Can you drive me home?” Camila asks Lauren.

 

“Of course.”

 

They go to the beach instead and since it’s pretty late there are hardly any other people around, except for a group of drunk teenagers in the distance, sitting around a bonfire.

 

They’re sitting in the sand and Lauren can’t remember the last time she felt so content.

 

“So how are you?” she asks, turning her attention away from the waves and to the younger girl.

 

“I’m good. I’m really, really good,” Camila responds with a smile, “I mean, it still might be a challenge some days, but overall, I’m really happy with myself now.”

 

“I hope that, uh, it wasn’t because of me at all. I mean, that sounds-self absorbed, but I just mean, with everything that happened...” Lauren stutters but Camila just chuckles.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. I mean, trying to pretend I didn’t care about you made everything worse, but it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Camz.”

 

“You’re here now, Lauren. You came back.”

 

Lauren doesn’t waste any more time. She leans over and kisses Camila, just like she kissed her in the park almost three years ago, except this time she doesn’t glance around to see if anyone is watching them.

 

Camila wraps her hands around Lauren’s neck and kisses her again before she pulls pack and rests her forehead against the older girl’s. She finally says what that phone call interrupted her from saying so long ago.

 

_I won't be waiting anymore_


End file.
